Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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