Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
