In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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