dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
