My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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