I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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