My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
