So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
