we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
