i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
