Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
