Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize