And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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