I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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