The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize