This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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