Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
