On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
