going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Let's get the cat blown out
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