the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
