I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm both gender and math confused
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
