Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Boobs speak an international language.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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