you're like a bully in the Christmas story
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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