The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
