i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize