I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It was confusing and full of hummus
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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