you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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