3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
