then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
