Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
