Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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