well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
how does that bad decision feel?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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