meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
