There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
