Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
