Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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