You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
