Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
