I love black thongs
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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