Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
