i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
