I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
