the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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