sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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