So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
