I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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