Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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