Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
