Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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