Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
