and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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