Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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