i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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