He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
