Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
