we have pet lesbian snakes
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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