Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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