So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
