I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize