did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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