It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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