Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
