i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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