umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
