birth control should be required to get into college
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
