I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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