im having a threesome with these popsicles
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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