Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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