This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
